Lorrie [00:00:08]:
Welcome to the Maximum Fun Agility podcast. I'm Lorrie Reynolds, owner of Maximum Fun Dog Sports. We help your agility team build your relationship, communication, confidence, and fun in training so that you can joyfully succeed on any course. This episode talks about strategies to help manage grief over the loss of your beloved companion and teammate. It includes the end of Xephyr's story. In September of 2022, I made the decision to say goodbye to Xephyr. If you haven't listened to episode 21, your dog's bucket list, Xephyr was my 6 year old rescue who was diagnosed with liver cancer in May of 2022. At the time of diagnosis, the most optimistic estimate was 30 to 60 days.
Lorrie [00:00:57]:
I said goodbye on day a 119, and he was still energetic enough to try to jump in the car on his own. Grief after losing a pet, teammate, and companion, it's crushing and overwhelming. It's an exhausted woman trudging uphill wearing heavy boots and carrying a 200 pound boulder on her back. Her pockets filled with lead, every step is a struggle. Everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to feel after losing a pet. Feelings can be scattered and conflicting. Sorrow over the loss, relief that your pet is no longer suffering, anger over the unfairness, wistfulness about things left undone, guilt over making the final decision. All these feelings and more are normal.
Lorrie [00:01:51]:
Your grief is your own and what helps you will be unique. Here are a few of the things I did to get through that difficult time. Maybe 1 or more of them will help you cope with the loss of your pet as well. First, allow yourself to feel. You will experience many different emotions after losing a beloved pet. Don't try to pack your feelings away or tamp them down. Allow each emotion to surface, acknowledge it, cry if you need to, and let the feeling subside naturally. You can write a eulogy for your pet.
Lorrie [00:02:28]:
When people die, it is cathartic for those left behind and grieving to write about the person's experiences, qualities, and accomplishments. You can do the same for your pet as a way to express your appreciation of your time with him or her. Your pet didn't need to be an agility superstar or master of tricks to be accomplished. Celebrate his or her life by writing about the little things that you loved. The way he always comforted you when you were sad, how he met you with a smile every time you walked in the door, how friendly he was to strangers, or how content he was to curl up at your feet while you were working. Seek out the company of other pet lovers or dog sport competitors. People who have never loved a pet may not understand the depth of your loss. While non pet lovers might not comprehend why you are so upset over "just a dog" or "just a cat", pet lovers the world over will empathize.
Lorrie [00:03:29]:
Talk to a fellow pet lover about your loss and share stories about the best pet together. You both had the best pet ever. If you are lucky enough to have other pets, do something fun with them. Go on a short adventure. A walk in the sunshine will lift your spirits. A game of fetch might make you smile. Watching your cat chase a toy could even drag out a giggle. Your other pets know something is wrong, and they are there for you.
Lorrie [00:03:59]:
Write about your pet and their everyday life with you. Make a list of everything you loved, big and small. Write about an adventure you went on together. Pen a letter you would send if your pet could read it. One way to start feeling less sad is to write about good memories to help balance out the sadness. Reminisce over pictures. Every pet owner I know has a phone full of pictures. Scroll through your pictures and take a minute to remember where you were and what you were doing together.
Lorrie [00:04:32]:
Watch your pet grow in age and accomplishments. Relive your greatest adventures together. Create a small memorial for your pet. Creating a memorial can be as simple as hanging a leash in a special place so you can occasionally touch it as you walk by. By default, my dogs have a video memorial on YouTube in the form of playlists filled with teaching and titling videos. Maxx's memorial is his wall full of championship ribbons. Xephyr's is his leash hung up in the training room. While it's not healthy to obsess forever over a lost companion, a little reminder of your best friend will let you walk by and smile in the future.
Lorrie [00:05:13]:
I promise. Know that your experience is both unique and common. No two grieving experiences are ever exactly alike, but we all feel the same pain of loss. Your grief will be different for a companion who has lived a rich and full life compared to the grief you feel losing a pet at a young age. Knowing the end is coming, whether due to age or illness, may allow you to prepare, but it also may bring guilt or self doubt if you had to make the final decision to let go. You'll be wondering if you let it go too soon or too late. Trust me, your timing was perfect if you made a decision based on love and in the best interest of your pet. Sudden loss adds feeling of shock and disbelief to your grief.
Lorrie [00:06:04]:
The dog I lost suddenly to an autoimmune related bleed will always haunt my thoughts with what ifs. A dog lost to an accident can make you feel at fault. You're not. Things happen and you did the best you could. I've got two final thoughts for you. First, your timeline for grieving is your own. There is no right or wrong length of time to be emotional over the loss of your pet. The second thing is that you were the best thing that ever happened to your pet.
Lorrie [00:06:37]:
If we truly meet again over the rainbow bridge, I'm certain he will tell you so. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Maximum Fun Agility podcast. If you want to join our community, visit www.maximumfundogs.com. See you next time.
